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BDSM sex tips for beginners

BDSM sex tips for beginners

BDSM sex tips for beginners

Has the idea of BDSM as part of your sex life ever sparked an interest in you? If so, you're not alone. Over 30 million Americans are reportedly actively involved in some sort of BDSM activity despite the taboo that sometimes surrounds the nature of it.

BDSM involves a number of things. Bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism and ultimately relinquishing or demanding control are just some of the ways in which this popular fantasy can be carried out between couples. It isn't all about chains and whips or red rooms of pain (although it can be, if you want). There is a lot to understand and explore, so here are some tips for those who are just starting out on their BDSM journey.

Communication

Good, honest communication is everything in a BDSM relationship. Without it, the fantasy simply won't work and it could even end up damaging your relationship. Before you get down to any action, you need to speak to your partner about your fantasies, wants and desires as well as what you don't want. Setting boundaries from the start indicates what you're comfortable with and will help you both get the most out of the experience. Don't underestimate the importance of this talk - it could really make the difference between a healthy BDSM relationship and a damaging one.

Take time in a place where you won't be disturbed to speak freely with one another with no judgment or embarrassment. Good eye contact shows honesty, transparency and empathy.

Safety

Safety

During the heat of the moment, communication can sometimes become misinterpreted, so it's important to agree on a safe word in advance. Try to make it something completely random and unrelated to any sexual activity so it's clear and uncomplicated. It might sound like overkill, but some couples find that drafting a contract of their rules, boundaries, safe word and no-go areas is useful. This way, you have a record of what was agreed and each party can feel safe that there will be no recriminations afterwards. It's all about feeling that sense of safety and security. Remember, BDSM almost always involves one party relinquishing control, and in order to do that, there must be trust between a couple.

Toys and costumes

A shopping trip for games, toys, restraints and other equipment could be the ultimate way to build anticipation and excitement in the run-up to trying BDSM for the first time. Maybe you'll buy something to try, or perhaps you'll just browse in awe at the amount of equipment on the market today to help support and enhance this popular fantasy. Costumes can be a great way to switch into a dominant role and leave reality behind, so consider this, too. For the sub, a blindfold, like that in this Beginner Bondage Kit, can make a big difference as it further enhances the feeling of surrender and heightens other senses.

Beginner Bondage Kit

Gradually build up

So you've had the chat, you've established all of the safety precautions and you're armed with a trunk full of BDSM shopping. Now you'll want to dive right in, right? Wrong. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Start small with your fantasies and gradually build up. We don't want to be killjoys here, but going all out on your first try could be overwhelming and make you reluctant to try again. Start by introducing some light hair pulling or spanking during sex and build up from there, slowly bringing toys, such as this 3 Piece Impact Kit, and roles into your sex life as you get more comfortable. Remember that it doesn't always have to be BDSM. It's important not to let one fantasy take over your entire sex life, so make time for intimate lovemaking, too.

3 Piece Impact Kit

Aftercare

Aftercare is very important in BDSM, both physically and emotionally. It's a high-pressure, high-stress scenario, and this alone can have a number of effects on the body. When hormones race, surge and then drop, it can leave us exhausted, dehydrated and physically drained. Replenish the body with a high-sugar snack and plenty of fluids directly after the session and then take some time to rest and recuperate. A long bath, nap and plenty of hugs can help you gradually readjust from fantasy back to reality. Physical, loving contact is also important emotionally after such a session - this is true of both married couples and more casual partners.

Ultimately, aftercare isn't something that should be skipped, especially if you want to make BDSM a regular occurrence in your relationship.