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Beginner’s Guide to BDSM Sex

Beginner’s Guide to BDSM Sex

Beginner’s Guide to BDSM Sex

In many ways, BDSM is incredibly misunderstood. For example, did you know that some sex therapists say that BDSM is one of the safest kinds of sex it is possible to have? It’s true!

BDSM isn’t peculiar, nor is it mentally or physically harmful. But although many of us view ourselves as being open-minded and forward-thinking, we tend to stick to what we know when it comes to our sex lives. It’s true that there isn’t anything inherently wrong with this, but suppressing our sexual desires for the sake of conformity is incredibly limiting.

Sex, after all, is always evolving. In the 19th century, for example, it was common for people to engage in intercourse while fully clothed in garments that had strategically placed holes that allowed for penetration. At this time, anything that wasn’t the missionary position was viewed as taboo. But now, this would be categorized as "vanilla sex". Therefore, it is not an overstatement to say that those who enjoy fetishes, kink, and rough sex now are not unlike the people who liked anal and oral sex in the 19th century. They’re breakers of convention, and they believe that everyone else is simply missing out.

What is BDSM?

BDSM is essentially a catch-all term for three specific categories. Bondage and discipline (B&D) is likely to be the category that you are most familiar with, but the term also represents sadism and masochism (S&M) and dominance and submission (D&S).

Although these categories might initially sound scary or intimidating as they rely on an inherent ability to communicate your boundaries and desires in an environment free from judgment, BDSM has the potential to be both the most fun and the safest kind of sex it’s possible to have.

Bondage and Discipline

These aspects of BDSM encapsulate all sexual acts that restrain and train the submissive partner. In fact, there are myriad mild forms of B&D that may occur in your own sex life - think holding your partner’s hands together or covering their eyes.

Restraint can happen in a variety of ways, from handcuffing the submissive partner’s hands to a bed frame to practicing Shibari, which is a type of rope bondage that originated in Japan. This Restraint System gives an idea of what this could look like.

Restraint System

Conversely, the discipline aspect focuses modifying the behavior of the submissive partner, and any missteps on their part are punished, either physically via spanking, for example, or psychologically in the form of erotic embarrassment.

Sadism and Masochism

The S&M aspect of BDSM essentially refers to the receiving and giving of pain by the masochist and sadist respectively. The masochist will experience intense pleasure in the pain that is being inflicted on them by the sadist, who similarly experiences intense pleasure by administering said pain, sometimes with items like this Crimson Tied 3 Piece Impact Kit.

Crimson Tied 3 Piece Impact Kit

S&M strongly relies on communication and the setting of boundaries, which is what makes it such a safe form of sexual pleasure. Those who engage in S&M often state that they experience a heightened sense of empowerment as they endure something painful and difficult.

Dominance and Submission

Where S&M is focused on pain, D&S is primarily concerned with control. Dominance and submission can be physical, emotional, or a combination of the two, and this dynamic can be enacted upon through acts of service and/or sexual acts. For some couples, the D&S dynamic stays in the bedroom; for others, those roles are a full-time thing in all aspects of life.

Some people may choose to practice all three elements of BDSM and may even find that they wish to switch between the dominant and submissive partner. Alternatively, you may choose to practice just one element and discover that you are either naturally submissive or naturally dominant.

Trying BDSM for the First Time

Trying BDSM for the First Time

There are no hard and fast rules for what your first BDSM experience should look like but many sex therapists report that couples often make the same error when getting started. Rather than visiting a sex shop or purchasing a couple of toys online, it is usually best to spend some time discovering what is sexy and hot for you.

Start by exploring your own imagination and think about what really turns you on. If you’re not sure, it can be helpful to read a few BDSM stories that explore particular power themes. From here, you and your partner can discuss both your desires and, importantly, your boundaries.

You may even find it beneficial to create a written contract of sorts, not dissimilar to Anastasia and Christian Grey from the very famous 50 Shades series of novels. This way, everyone's boundaries will be clearly stated.