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How To Be a Dom: An Introduction to BDSM

How To Be a Dom: An Introduction to BDSM

How To Be a Dom: An Introduction to BDSM

Being a Dom, or Domme, can be a lot trickier than just calling someone a slave and slapping their behind with a paddle. There is a lot that goes into it. If you are new to BDSM and have a natural tendency to be the more dominant party in your relationship or your partner wishes for you to dominate them, being a Dom/me takes a lot of hard work.

BDSM is actually an incredibly structured process. The limits of practices involved are covered before any scene is acted out. This is to include what the Sub is willing to endure and what the Dom/me is happy to do to the submissive parties. Dom/mes will not force anything on their Subs unless they know that the submissive is happy to push these boundaries. Dom/mes will never ignore safe words or phrases as this is a critically important part of being the dominating character. Trust is the most important factor in BDSM. Without trust, no aspect of BDSM will work.

How To Be a Dom or Domme: Emotional Aspects

How To Be a Dom or Domme: Emotional Aspects

Being a Dom or Domme can be an extremely difficult character to play if you are not naturally predisposed to the role. Empathy is incredibly important. The Dom, or Domme, needs to constantly keep the emotional feelings of their sub at the forefront of their mind. In addition, the Dom/me needs to have a great deal of intuition. Being able to read non-verbal cues from your sub is also a critically important role of being a Dom/me. You need to know when you are getting close to reaching the emotional and physical limits of your submissive parties or if you haven’t gone far enough and you could turn up the gas and give them more.

How To Be a Dom or Domme: Physical Aspects

How To Be a Dom or Domme: Physical Aspects

The physical act of playing the role of a Dom or Domme will usually fall into two categories: The promise of reward or the threat of punishment. The reward can be something physical, like a sexual act they will find pleasure in or the return of a basic human right, such as taking off the blindfold so that they can see again.

Beginners to BDSM who are trying out domination and submission for the first time can read through these four popular scenarios to see if any of them sound exciting.

Playing the role: Four Popular Scenarios

Objectification - This is image-based sexualization or physical acts that are performed in a way that treats women as instruments for the sexual gratification of men. This means to use your female sub in any way you choose to get yourself off.

Shame-Based - This can be one of the trickier scenarios to play out as it involves sexualizing shame or taboos that your Sub holds, whether mentally or physically. A popular idea for beginners is to have your sub wear a butt plug; something like the Clear Asvini Glass Penis Plug would do nicely for beginners.

Clear Asvini Glass Penis Plug

Service-Oriented - This involves having your Sub follow rules to the absolute letter and performing duties in the exact way you tell them. This scenario can be practiced in everyday life, not just in terms of sexual acts. A simple example to start with could be asking your Sub to prepare and cook dinner wearing nothing but an item of clothing or an accessory, high heels or a slave collar.

Brat / Fight for Top - This isn’t just about "taming" your Sub, although if that is the scene you wish to play out, by all means, go for it. This aspect of BDSM can be about understanding your sub and letting them have their way in certain situations but only to the extent that you let them. Maybe they are a puzzle that you have to piece together or a lion or lioness that you have to understand the desires of.

Making Sure That Play is Fun and Safe

Trust and empathy are intrinsically linked when you are playing the part of a Domme or Dom. The rules of play are pre-determined before you begin the scene, and it is your job to make sure that your acts do not go so far as to make your sub or subs feel like they have to use the safe word or phrase. With all that in mind, it is time to don your Dom/me hat and play the part!