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What's Aftercare? Why it is the Most Important Part of BDSM?

What's Aftercare? Why it is the Most Important Part of BDSM?

What's Aftercare? Why it is the Most Important Part of BDSM?

Aftercare is an essential part of healthy BDSM experiences and relationships. It is the equivalent of being able to press the reset button, bridging the gap between fantasy and the real world in which we all have to live.

BDSM and role play

Puppy Play Bondage Kit

Role play is an important part of many BDSM encounters and relationships. This may involve anything from one person relinquishing power to their dominant partner in the bedroom to one party donning their Puppy Play Bondage Kit or engaging in pain play with Sensation Toys. Whatever the roles involve, aftercare is necessary to "reset" the roles and help everyone involved move forward in the most positive way forward.

Sensation Toys

BDSM for dom and sub

Some people associate aftercare with looking after a sub who may have been humiliated or asked to relinquish every bit of their power during the BDSM encounter. There is no doubt that aftercare is, indeed, required in this case. It is a mistake to believe that the benefits of aftercare end there, however. Doms and everyone else who participates in BDSM activities and adventures will benefit from aftercare.

Forms of aftercare in BDSM relationships

Aftercare can take many forms after a BDSM encounter and will largely depend on the individuals involved and perhaps on the events that have taken place. It may involve simply feeding someone or wrapping them up in a cozy blanket, or it could involve moisturizing or soothing pink areas.

Regardless of the people involved and the type of BDSM encounter that has occurred, however, there are some key things that the best aftercare will always include. First and foremost, aftercare should be about communication. For some people, this will need to happen right away to be of most use, while others will need time to process what has happened and find honest and open conversations far more enriching, enabling, and empowering after a little time has passed.

Another important aspect of aftercare is helping everyone transition back into reality from what may have been an intense, fantasy-based encounter. It allows for everyday connections to be re-established and can be a helpful way of compartmentalizing sexual activities from other areas of a relationship.

This can be especially important in relationships where there is an emotional attachment that does not necessarily reflect the BDSM practices. For example, a caring husband who enjoys humiliating and dominating his wife in the bedroom may use periods of aftercare to reinforce his love and mutual respect for his partner, thus resetting the equality of power that exists in other areas of the marriage.

Conversation as a part of aftercare

Conversation and open and honest opinion sharing are a vital part of aftercare for many reasons. As mentioned previously, it can allow partners to re-establish the boundaries of their everyday relationships, but the benefits do not end there. These conversations can have a multitude of positives, ranging from really understanding what everyone enjoys or doesn’t enjoy to planning for the next BDSM encounter. Honest conversations also build trust and can pave the way for even more experimenting, if that is what a couple enjoys.

Conversation as a part of aftercare

Sharing likes, dislikes, worries, and fears can add depth to a relationship and breed more honesty. In turn, this can free the mind and body to indulge in true fantasy fulfilment.

Problems associated with a lack of aftercare

A lack of aftercare can cause a range of emotions, from a lack of connection and trust to feelings of neglect, frustration or resentment. It can lead to one or both partners feeling that a relationship has become very one-dimensional. This can be very problematic, especially in the context of deeper relationships where intellectual and emotional connections are equally as important, or even more so, than the pleasure that BDSM can undoubtedly provide.

A lack of aftercare and in-depth conversation can also be a missed opportunity to share fantasies and build an even more exciting sex life. Failing to spend time on past encounters can diminish the possibility of even better future adventures. Failing to talk things through, for example, can lead to a breakdown in emotional connections and trust, which can be so important when planning for future fun and fantasy fulfilment.

In contrast, spending a little bit of time on aftercare - or a lot, if this is what you like - can strengthen the bonds that can remove any vestiges of restraint, opening the doors to the type of unimaginable pleasure that only truly invested participants can enjoy.